Instinct v Common Sense

This is a totally random post. I don't really have anything in particular to blog about and yet I find myself hitting the "new post" button and here I am. Today is 24th November 2009. 24 days after I officially end my pupillage. I am on my holiday or to be exact I am in this transition phase from a pupil to an advocate and solicitor.

I think by now some of you might have already knew that I was not retained in ADC. The fact which I have grown to accept rather easily I must say. I was really really down when I first learn about it though. I was only sad for one day to be honest. The day after that I was actually okay. This may be due to the fact that I was already informed that they are not taking any people in even before I started my pupillage and because of that, I was sort of prepared.

So, in this so called holiday or should I say the period of lazing around and doing nothing which I find myself getting significantly good at it, I was supposed to be actively pursuing for a job. Having said that, I must say that I have not been "actively" seeking for job. The so-called attempt that I made was not in any definition suit the phrase "actively seeking for a job". I was not aggressive and I, unfortunately procrastinate thing as usual.

I do have a few firms in mind but somehow my instinct or should I say the voices in my head that I have been fondly been listening to all these years has yet to give me any signal. I am in desperate need of some sort of signs. I need that voices in my head to lead me, give me clues and drop me some hints. Basically, i need the voices to tell me which are firm(s) I should send my application to.

I could be stubborn at times and this is one of the time my stubborn ness choose to show its face. I insisted to only listen to this instinct of mine and after some interrogation with the voice within, you know the bad cop/good cop tactic and all the other hooplas, instinct finally DROP major hint so based from the hint given, I send two applications at these small but reputable firms. I crossed my fingers, baca Bismillah and click the "send" button. Praying really hard that they will at least call me for an interview.

My instinct told me this may just be the perfect place for me and being the obedient listener that I am, I believed them. I figured since all this while they have pretty much led me to where I am now....which so far is a good and blessed life, I assumed that I have no reason to doubt them. They are trustworthy."They" here is of course referred to the voices in my head a.k.a my instinct.

Then, the "impossible" thing happens....

Almost two weeks have passed and I have yet to receive any reply from this two firms. I started to doubt my instinct. Something tells me this is not the first time.*sigh* Suddenly the voices in my head are not making any more sound. I began my frantic search all over my head. I even sent a Special Branch detectives (together with Starbucks and Donuts) and Special Weapon and Tactic S.W.A.T unit to find them. I force them to make a noise or at least to whisper something to me but to no avail. They won't budge and the silence is killing me and sudenly the future looks so bleak to me and without further ado, I approach my other friend, my other confidante who is, my common sense.

Here is a snippet of our conversation that day....

Common sense : Yes the Gorgeous Iskandar, why are you calling me? It's been a while since we last talk.

Iskandar: Oh, something is seriously buggin' me. Instinct stopped talking to me for no apparent reason. The last time I talk to Instinct, he suggested I applied to this two firms and now it has been two weeks and still no progress. Why huh?

Common sense: Ermmmm... (a long pause). Iskandar, when instinct gave you this "brilliant" suggestion of his, did it ever occurs to you that you should have at least check the Malaysian Bar website first to see if there is any firm out there that actually in need of new L.A? I believe this two firms that Instinct asked you to apply did not even advertise any vacancy. Am I right?

Iskandar: Errrr...I guess so. I just simply send my application to them and hope for the best. Tak boleh ker?

Common sense: You #$%&*@#$% foooool!!!! Of course la they didnt reply or even bother to reply when they are not even looking for people to join them in the first place!!! How can you be so ignorant and just listen to Instinct bla bla bla bla bla @#$%$#%&#@* bla bla bla bla @#$#@%&#*&#!!!!!!!!

Iskandar: Ouch! FINE!!!!!! I'd go check the Malaysian Bar website and see if there's anything.

So, after being told off by Common Sense, I send my application to this one particular firm in Damansara which actually did advertise for a vacancy. and true enough, they called me the day after for an interview

But then....

Gosh, I think I should have just listen to my instinct. Common Sense is not making much sense. When I reach the place for the interview, I could not bring myself to the office. I was stuck in my car for almost 40 minutes collecting reasons and strength to actually get the hell out of my car and just go for the interview.

It does not feel right and I had a strange feeling that I will not like it. What a negative thought!!! I tried to shooosh them away and I was so in need of some tough loving and some motivation so I called Bary and asked her to knock some senses right into my head so that I could just go for the interview. After a few minutes of rambling about my not so stable emotion, I then found the courage to get out of my car.(eleh..chill la, macam nak pegi perang jer, interview aje kot) Still, I didnt feel good about it.

Haish!!!!! I should have just listen to my instinct. I was right. I didnt like it. The firm was not bad though. It just that it does not suit me. I can tell. I so can tell okay. Suddenly, the voices that have disappeared a couple of days ago slowly creeping back to my head. Slowly and slowly it is getting louder and what at first was just like a blurring echoes of a phrase... starting to get clearer and clearer. The voices kept chanting this phrase as if it is some sort of powerful mantra and it's getting louder and louder. They chanted the phrase "I told you so", "I told you so". I feel so overwhelmed and started to feel as if I am now drowning in this "pool of noises" which by now starting to sound like it's mocking me. Not cool man. So not cool. In fact some of them did laugh at me. Kurang asam btol. When you are at the receiving end, this phrase can be so freaking annoying. Urgghh.

I need to have a serious conversation. Face to face. I called both Common Sense and Instinct for a serious meeting. After a lengthy discussion with both of them, we have decided to consult Mr Practicality. Mr. Practicality is also one of my dear friend that I have been in contact with for quite some time. When he make a visit, we tend to come out with quite a few good decision. He rarely makes an appearance nowadays though. Wonder why.

Anyway, Mr. Practicality suggested that I combine both Instinct and Common Sense ideas. Mix them up together, create a balance mixture of those two and see the result. Why should I abandon my inner voice and why should I discard Common Sense. Who said that I can't have both? Who said that it should be one or the other. Thus, I mixed them up together. I am now hopeful of what the result may be.

It has been 2 days already and I am still hopeful. Finger crossed. If tak jadi jugak, Mr.Practicality is in dire need of some serious whipping!